Selfishness is an interesting thing. As easily as it could be bad for one person, it can be healthy and possibly very necessary for another. There is a stigma that comes with being selfish and for some, they could stand to be bit less. For others, they need to think of themselves more and put their wellbeing first. This will prevent them from not progressing in life.
Fears can hold us back from a lot of things. Learning how to focus solely on yourself by putting your needs first shouldn’t be one of them. It can really have an amazing impact on your life and may very well change your world for the better. Take a hard look and really try to realize that this may be you if you fall into any of the following categories:
1. You use thinking about everyone else and their problems as a way to avoid your own problems.
The entirety of your thoughts and actions shouldn’t always revolve around helping others. This allows yourself to believe that it is okay to not work on your own problems. In your eyes, you’re doing something good for them which is more important.
You are just making an excuse. By not dealing with your internal wounds, you are never going to achieve a sense of peace. You are never going to feel happy. You will constantly be in a state of avoidance and feeling uneasy. This is because deep down you haven’t come to terms with who you are and what you want in life.
2. You haven’t learned how to spend time alone.
Whether you’re scared to be alone with your thoughts or you just rather be surrounded by people, you need to learn how to be comfortable spending time by yourself. There are many benefits of having your alone time. This will convince you that taking that painfully silent time is entirely necessary. Being alone means a chance to reflect on your life. Time to determine what makes you happy and what makes you sad. Time to plan how you want your life to go. To determine what is important to you and what you want to accomplish in this life.
3. All of your free time is consumed by distractions.
You finally have some downtime but rather than focusing on yourself, you find something, anything else to do. You surround yourself with friends and family. You get on social media or spend an entire day watching Netflix in a serious attempt to distract your mind from thinking about where you are in life. It’s too easy to sweep your thoughts and worries under the rug and act as though nothing is wrong. If you never come face-to-face with them though, you’ll always feel off balance, which brings us to our next point.
4. You don’t know who you are.
Some people go their whole life without really getting to know who they are. They avoid self-awareness like the plague and therefore never truly get to know their true identity. It is a sad reality, but one many people are faced with. You don’t like yourself. Or you experience unbearable anxiety in public. You feel you just don’t belong anywhere or do anything right.
Instead of dealing with all this hate, you just ignore it and never come to terms with this person you resent so deeply. Feeling like you can never change and this is just the way it is. Not realizing that if you took the time to see beyond this façade you’ve given yourself, you’d find the beautifully hurt person behind all this pain. By not being selfish and taking the time to discover this person you miss out on everything. Don’t cheat yourself out of meeting and becoming your authentic self.
5. You’re afraid to face reality and it’s holding you back.
The world can be a scary place. It can also be a beautiful place and the funny thing is that the only difference between finding it scary and finding it beautiful is your perspective. If your perspective is fear based, you will let everything hold you back. If you don’t take time to reflect on how you view the world, you may be holding yourself back without even knowing it. Allow yourself the time to ask yourself the hard questions and figure out what you’re afraid of and how to stop letting it stop you from living the life you dream of.
6. Because you don’t know where your life is going and you’re lacking direction, aspirations or goals.
Too many of us can relate to this one. It is so easy to “put off” figuring out our lives. While you won’t get there by simply thinking your way to your purpose, you will get there if you grant yourself the time it takes to try new things and experience all that you daydream about. Giving yourself that me time will lead you to clarity and direction, which in turn will have you finding your aspirations and goals.
7. A friend, significant other or family member dictates your opinions, decisions, choices, or actions.
You listen to everyone else instead of listening to yourself. Whether your it’s a feeling in your gut or your heart just doesn’t feel right, you know what’s good for you. If you’re living your life by someone else’s rules then you really aren’t living your life, but just a life someone else made for you. Don’t sacrifice an incredible life because someone else told you that you should do it their way instead. It is quite unfortunate, but a lot of the time the people holding you back the most in life are those closest to you. Whether they don’t want to see you succeed or they don’t believe you can make it and they are trying to save you from heartache, by listening to them, you’re just hurting yourself.
8. You’re too concerned with letting others down.
If you’re a people pleaser, listen up! You need to stop focusing on how to make other people happy and start focusing on how to make you happy. Nobody else will care about your life as much as you. And well, you’re too busy caring about them so you may just find there is nobody looking out for you. Stop worrying that you won’t be liked or that you’re disappointing someone. The moment you start putting yourself first, you will feel a new sense of empowerment and soon you’ll find you don’t really care whether people like you or not.
If any of these points rings true for you, please take the time to really work on this and yourself. You need to look out for you in this life. Once you start taking the necessary time to grow and give yourself the self-love you need, you’ll find that you start progressing more in life and achieving everything you’ve been wanting to achieve.